


Undisturbed

by unepical



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hugs :), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Recovery, autistic komaeda nagito, vent (kind of)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-21 23:41:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30029676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unepical/pseuds/unepical
Summary: The first time Hajime has Nagito stay overnight, he begins to act distinctly off.Very soon, Hajime finds out why.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 6
Kudos: 95





	Undisturbed

**Author's Note:**

> Lol this started as a vent but when I started writing it I realized how much sense it would make for someone like Nagito to have something like OCD due to the complete and total lack of control in his life. I've had it for nearly 10 years now, and up until fairly recently, I thought my compulsions were normal, even though they sometimes took hours out of my day. I want to talk about it more because the misrepresentation of it lead to years and years with no diagnosis. 
> 
> This fic is in no way romanticizing the illness, just trying to describe it, because I have never seen it represented in writing on here to date.
> 
> CW: mild mentions of old s/h habits.

While Hajime and Komaeda had been together for a while now, tonight marked the first time one of them had stayed over at the others.

Komaeda had been somewhat avoidant towards it, probably because he was still very much nervous about his luck, but Hajime hoped that by now he was reassured that nothing bad would happen to the brunette, regardless of if he had a talent or not. Hajime was far too stubborn, for starters, he wasn’t going to let himself get hurt in the first place. 

Even so, while they were sitting in bed, Komaeda still seemed on edge, fingers fiddling almost obsessively with the strings of his blue night shorts, obviously not paying attention to the movie, the stare he was giving blank and unfocused.

The other boy had a plethora of mental issues, Hajime had gone into their relationship knowing that, and during the time they’d been together, things had been slowly improving, but Komaeda remained far too quiet when he was bothered by things. Or, in a way, he got too loud, talking on and on about hope and luck and despair and everything but the problem. 

Somehow, Hajime felt it was worse if Komaeda was quiet entirely, like right now. He’d barely spoken since the movie started, and for someone so talkative, that was worrying, the fiddling and restless twitching enough to put Hajime on edge too. When the other was fiddling or bouncing around normally, it wasn’t ever a problem, especially when Komaeda had explained why, but wasn’t good when it was to this degree. 

“Hey, Nagito, are you alright?” Hajime asked, making sure not to touch him. He’d had times in school where he’d gone into these spaced-out little phases, and touching usually did more harm than good.

“Mhm. Don’t worry!” Komaeda said, his voice sing-songy and pitchy.

“...It’s alright if you’re not, okay? Is there anything I can do to help?” Hajime willed a smile onto his face

“No.” Komaeda snapped, surprised at his own tone then “ah, I’m terribly sorry. Just please don’t talk to me right now” he brought his hands up into his hair, pulling at it

“I’ll stop, but when you’re feeling a little better, can you tell me what’s going on?” Hajime asked

“Mm,” Komaeda replied quietly, still pulling at his white hair, eyes wide as he stared off into space.

After a few minutes, without saying anything at all, Komaeda got up and left the room, the bathroom door closing a few seconds later.

Instantly, panic flared in Hajime. This wasn’t good. Komaeda hadn’t relapsed in a very long while- he hit six months without an incident a few days ago, so the idea of it ending now was a terrible thought to entertain, Hajime getting up and very quickly walking down the hall, knocking urgently on the bathroom door

“If you don’t say anything in a few seconds, I’m coming in,” Hajime said, his voice trembling. Everything was going so well! The entire night had been so nice up until now! Why this?! The tap seemed to be continuously on too, the sound of it making everything feel worse.

Komaeda was silent, Hajime opening the door to find the pale teen aggressively scrubbing his hands at the sink, tears streaming down his face

“... Nagito?” Hajime looked him over, almost visibly sighing with relief seeing he wasn’t injured 

“I’m sorry,” Komaeda said quietly, trying desperately to bite back a sob

“Hey, no, don’t apologize. What’s going on?” Hajime was confused, but he knew something was wrong. Komaeda very rarely got this distressed without a reason

“It’s pathetic; my reasons are pathetic. I don’t even know why I’m really here.” Komaeda murmured, turning off the tap and going right back to pulling his hair, squeezing his eyes shut

“It’s okay, alright? I’m not going to think you’re pathetic.” Hajime nodded “You’re clearly stressed out; Maybe talking about it will help?”

Komaeda seemed to consider this, slowly bringing his hands out of his hair, scratching lightly at his forearms as Hajime walked out of the bathroom, the white-haired boy following him out, beginning to speak, the words tumbling out of his mouth

“It’s irrational, completely so. But even though I know that, I keep feeling like if I don’t wash my hands over and over again I’ll get sick and die. It’s only really bad at night but it’s irresistible, Hajime. I feel like there are bugs crawling on my skin if I don’t.” Komaeda mumbled, pulling his hair a bit “I can’t do anything about it. I really didn’t want this to happen with you.” More tears ran down his cheeks as he hunched over “I’m stupid and I’m terrible and I keep burdening you with all of this. I’m so sorry.” 

Hajime looked at his despairing partner, his eyes wide. It made sense why he was freaking out so much, that was for sure. Komaeda... he’d been dealing with this for a while, hadn’t he? His fingers were very often red and raw appearing when he came into school or when they went on dates, but Hajime just thought that was to do with his poor physical health. Hajime’s heart clenched a little.

“You’re not those things, alright? Look at me” Hajime placed his hands on Komaeda’s shoulders, who looked up at the touch, tears still fresh on his flushed face. “I can’t say I understand what you’re going through, but it’s not stupid.”

“It feels stupid. I can’t stop doing it and I wish I could” Komaeda murmured 

“Of course you’d want them to stop, it sounds genuinely terrible” Hajime reassured “c’mon in” 

Hesitantly, thin arms wrapped around Hajime’s torso, the brunette enveloping the other boy

“You can tell me about these things, you do know that?” 

“Mhm. Somehow I keep forgetting how kind you are. I’m just... ashamed, I guess. I have so little control over everything in my life so it’s really just a really terrible overcompensation. I just wish I could make it stop” 

Everything about this was ringing a dull bell in the back of his head. He’d never dealt with anything like this himself, no, Hajime got really lucky, all things considered, but he knew what this was. 

“They’re compulsions, right?” Hajime asked, stroking Komaeda’s hair gently

“Ah, yes. I was diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder a while ago. It’s just problem after problem with me, huh” a bitter chuckle followed that, Komaeda fiddling with his partner’s shirt, cold fingers felt even through the fabric.

“No, not really. You’ve been getting better. Like, a lot better.” Hajime withdrew from the hug, taking his boyfriend’s hands into his own, squeezing them gently “Your scars are getting old, and you’re not talking about your luck so much. You haven’t had a breakdown in a really long time either. I think it’d be wrong to say you’re causing problems when all you really seem to be doing at the moment is trying to get better” 

Komaeda was fairly quiet at that, looking down at their interlocked hands. Pale, thin, and cold on warm, solid, and tanned. It was a pleasant contrast, really, almost like they were made to complement each other. 

They were silent for a while after Hajime’s speech, until 

“... I guess. It’s just hard.”

“Oh god, of course, it is. You’re doing so well and I’m praising you because you’re doing so well when it’s so hard. Do you know that? I’m really proud of you.”

“Ahh... I really don’t deserve you Hajime. You’re wonderful, so wonderful. You’ve helped me so much, really, you have. Every single day I always ask myself what did I do to deserve you, and in turn what did I do to deserve this chance at a good life.” Komaeda sighed, hugging Hajime again, pressing his face into the brunette’s warm chest 

“You didn’t need to ‘deserve’ me or whatever. I don’t expect anything from you other than for you to be nice to me” Hajime laughed, patting his boyfriend’s hair and smiling

“That’s what makes you so good...” Komaeda mumbled “I love you”

“Love you to dummy. Are you feeling better?” Hajime felt his heart flutter at the confession. Komaeda usually brutally honest with how he felt, so the tanned boy had already heard this confession quite a few times, but it always brought a giddy feeling to Hajime’s heart. It was so nice to hear on the boy’s tongue. Komaeda withdrew from the hug

“Ah, I think so... My compulsions have died down a lot so I’d say so, thank you.” Komaeda nodded, swallowing “though, I might go back and forward a few more times. Is that okay?” 

“Yeah, of course it is. Doesn’t bother me” Hajime shrugged “I know you can’t help it, so it’s okay” 

“Thank you very much!” The fluffy-haired boy bobbed his head “It’s very much appreciated” 

“It’s no problem” Hajime smiled, getting into bed as Komaeda got out, the tap sounding from the bathroom on and off a few times. It was surprising, the white-haired boy came back fairly quickly, shutting the door and nervously sliding into bed

“I think I’ll be alright for tonight. I don’t think I’ll have to leave again”

“Really? That’s good” Hajime grinned, Komaeda doing the same 

“Mhm.” The other boy then embraced Hajime, sighing “I really am lucky to have you, Hajime, thank you again” 

“No way dude, I’m the lucky one. C’mon, let’s sleep” Hajime turned out the light, snuggling into the covers with his boyfriend, holding him close 

“Goodnight Nagito”

“Goodnight Hajime.” The other cooed in return.

Komaeda didn’t get up again after that, and they both fell sound asleep in minutes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! if you struggle with compulsions or obsessions (or both) please don't be ashamed, you can't help it, and I'm so proud of u for still going out there and living a life! 
> 
> I'm always a bit shy posting more personal works such as this one, so I hope you enjoyed, regardless of the obvious self-projection.
> 
> Go drink some water, have a snack, and support your friends (the best you can)


End file.
